Les Poissons (Petunia's Chief McBrusque version)
Inside the dining room table, Toothy was standing near the window, looking out into the distance. While Lumpy was seated at the large table, beginning to clean his pipe, Toothy was waiting patiently for Petunia to arrive as he tried desperately to reason with the male purple beaver. "Oh, Toothy, be reasonable," said Lumpy, feeling clearly amused while waving his pipe in the air. "Nice young ladies just don't - swim around rescuing people in the middle of the ocean and then - flutter off into oblivion, like some -" Toothy cut him off. "I'm tellin' you, Lumpy, she was REAL!" he said, "I'm gonna find that girl. And I'm gonna marry her." He put his left hand over his chin, gazing out the glass windows. Suddenly, laughter was heard from behind him. He turned his head to see the lover with the owl. "Come on, honey." said a voice, "Don't be shy." It was Big Mama. She stood by the door frame, guiding the lover into the dining room. Out of the shadows came Petunia. Petunia was now wearing black sweetheart bodice with off-the-shoulder blue sleeves and indigo, teal, blue, and periwinkle-blue prints on it, a sky-blue trim, a black satin-laced necklace with a sapphire pendant of Arendelle's symbol in place of her pine scent car air freshener necklace, a blue pleated skirt with sashes (consisting of indigo centers with turquoise, baby blue, azure, aquamarine, and blue prints on it between cerulean sides) and dark blue pleats (similar to Anna's coronation dress), a cream-colored petticoat, matching bloomers, white stockings, and black ballet shoes. She was still wearing her pink flower. This was a new look for Petunia, and she showed that she was being treated well by the servants. Toothy's eyes widened as Lumpy walked up behind the male purple beaver. "Oh, Toothy, isn't she a vision?" asked Lumpy. The grin he had was never slipping off his face. Toothy's mouth hung open. But he closed his mouth and swallowed, feeling somewhat nervous. "You look - wonderful." Toothy stammered. Petunia, unable to say, "Thank you," replied with a gentle blush, she shrugged her shoulders, appreciating the nice comment, a smile on her face as her blue eyes looked up from behind her ears. Toothy blushed a light pink as Lumpy helped Toothy into his chair, quite enthusiastic, but not before giving the young princess a light nudge. Toothy pursed his lips, but grinned nonetheless. "Come come come, you must be famished. Let me help you my dear. There we go - ah - quite comfy?" He helped the princess into her seat. Toothy tucked the chair under the table as the female blue skunk sat down. "Uh, it's...it's not often that we have such a lovely dinner guest, eh, Toothy?" Petunia wasn't playing attention anymore. She was too intrigued by the glistening silver 'dinglehopper' resting on the table. With a wide smile, she picked up the shiny object and began brushing her tail with it. She looked up to face a confused Toothy and a horrified Lumpy. Petunia delicately placed the 'dinglehopper' back on the table and looked down in embarrassment. She bit her lip and looked up as she saw Lumpy using a lighter to ignite the coppery thing that Petunia understood as a 'snarfblatt'. Lumpy kindly smiled at her, and handed her his pipe. "Uh, do you like it?" he asked, "It is a rather fine..." Lumpy stopped in mid-sentence when the female blue skunk blew into the pipe as if it was a trumpet, sending a cloud of smoke spurting out the top and straight into his face. Toothy cracked up with laughter while Big Mama gave a small giggle. "Oh, my!" she exclaimed. Toothy cleared his throat, trying to regain composure. "Ahem. I'm sorry, Lumpy." Big Mama smiled, placing a hand on the male purple beaver's shoulder. "Why, Toothy," she said. "That's the first time I've seen you smile in weeks." Petunia looked up from the table and smiled. "Oh, very amusing," said Lumpy, as he used a handkerchief to wipe the last bit of smoke of his face and sniffed. "Big Mama, my dear, what's for dinner?" "Oooh, you're gonna love it!" Big Mama smiled. "Chef's been fixing his specialty, roast pig!" Piglet poked his head out from behind a sugar bowl and gasped upon seeing the chef of a French kitchen. He was a fat mouse with peach fur, orange sideburns, and a black nose, wearing a blue police officer's suit and white gloves with a black belt with a gold buckle, a white apron and chef's hat. His name was Chief McBrusque, the French chef of the kitchen. McBrusque rummaged through a cupboard. Singing in French to himself, he hummed to himself as he took a basket of trout and putting one on a counter. With his food ready, the mouse chef started singing. McBrusque: Les poissons Les poissons How I love '''les poissons' ''Love to chop And to serve little fish Grabbing the trout from the basket, McBrusque pulled out a cleaver and violently chopped off its head. This shocked Piglet horribly. Horrified that this was happening, Piglet hid his face. McBrusque: First I cut off their heads Then I pull out the bones Ah mais oui Ca c'est toujours delish Taking out another trout, McBrusque took the cleaver and violently chopped off its head then proceeded to skin it and gut it while Piglet leaned against a wall and covered his mouth, feeling quite sick, feeling as if he may want to throw up. McBrusque: Les poissons Les poissons Hee hee hee Hah hah hah With the cleaver I hack them in two Taking out another trout, McBrusque again chopped its head and then chopped the rest of the body into tiny pieces. Piglet tried getting away, but he found himself face to face with the trout's head. McBrusque: I pull out what's inside And I serve it up fried ''Cause I love little fishes'' Don't you? After cutting the trout's head off, McBrusque pulled out the insides of the trout and cooked it on a frying pan before serving it on a plate. Spotting a large lettuce leaf, Piglet grabbed the leaf and used it to disguise himself as he slowly scuttled away from an unsuspecting chef, who is too absorbed into his little fish hacking mania but McBrusque took a mallet and began smashing a tuna flat. McBrusque: Here's something for tempting the palate Prepared in the classic technique First you pound the fish flat with a mallet When McBrusque pounded the tuna flat with the mallet, Piglet flew off the counter along with other stuff on it. He hid again under the lettuce before hearing more gross stuff from McBrusque's preparations for the tuna. McBrusque: Then you slash through the skin Give the belly a slice Then you rub some salt in Cause that makes it taste nice'' When McBrusque was describing those horrid moves, Piglet cringed even more. Just after McBrusque put the salt on he rather was holding the fish body close to his cheek, Piglet's worst fear was confirmed when the cook reached out and grabbed the lettuce leaf, leaving him exposed. The pig kept perfectly still as the chef gasped, "Zut alors!" exclaimed McBrusque, "I have missed one!" He picked up the 'dead' pig and continued singing, McBrusque: ''Sacre bleu'' What is this? How on earth could I miss Such a sweet little succulent pig? ''Quel dommage'' What a loss Here we go In the sauce Now some flour I think just a spurt McBrusque tossed Piglet into a bowl of sauce and threw a spot of flour in his face, making him cough and sneeze before pulling him out and stuffing some breadcrumbs in his mouth. McBrusque: Now I stuff you with bread It don't hurt 'cause you're dead And you're certainly lucky you are Piglet spat out the breadcrumbs and wheezed loudly. McBrusque didn't notice that the pig in his hand was still alive. McBrusque: 'Cause it's gonna be hot In my big silver pot Toodle loo ''Mon poisson'' ''Au revoir!''' McBrusque threw Piglet across the room into a large pot of boiling water. Piglet held on to the inside of the pot before a bubble popped, burning him out of the pot and onto the counter with a loud thud. McBrusque, hearing the 'thud', looked over to it being confused. He used a pitchfork-like utensil and stabs on either side of the pig, picking up Piglet and carefully inspected it. "What is this?" he asked. Piglet bit McBrusque's nose, making him scream in pain as he held his nose. Piglet landed on the handle of a pan on the stove. McBrusque reached for the pig, but instead put his hand on the fiery hot stove. The chef screamed and blew on his hand as the pan fell onto his foot. McBrusque grabbed his foot and cried in pain, before sending Piglet an angry glare, grabbing a bunch of knives and hurling them at the pig. Piglet, who ducked each knife, dove under the counter, and while the chef was looking under the counter, Piglet pushed the bowl of sauce off the counter. The bowl shattered on his head. Going more insane, McBrusque lifted his cleaver and brought it down. But all he managed to chop up was the counter. He saw Piglet running for his life. Piglet screamed as he tried getting out. The cleaver landed right in front of him, stopping him from running that way. He quickly made a mad dash underneath McBrusque and hid underneath a cabinet of glasses and pottery. McBrusque screamed, holding his mallet in his hand, Piglet hid as the psychotic chef jumped and crashed into the shelves. Back in the dining room, everyone heard loud crashes coming from the kitchen. Big Mama, who was pouring drinks for the prince, Lumpy, and their young guest, looked in the direction of the kitchen at the sound of a large crash. "I think I'd better go see what Chief McBrusque is up to." she said. Once she had excused herself, she hurriedly made her way to the palace kitchen. Back in the kitchen, the insane chef, ripped clothes and all, was tearing apart the cabinet, mindlessly throwing things out of the way trying to find Piglet. "Come out, you little pipsqueak, AND FIGHT LIKE A MAN!" he snarled. He continued to tear apart a cupboard. "McBrusque!" shouted Big Mama. He shot up, banging his head on the shelf, causing several new pots and pans to fall or break on the floor, at the sound of Big Mama's shrill voice. His uniform and apron were torn and stained, his chef's hat was gone, and there was a hole in his pants, revealing red and white striped underwear. "What are you doing?" Big Mama demanded. McBrusque stammered about what he was doing earlier. "Well - I - I was just - er, er, I'm sorry, ''madame." he finally said. Big Mama scowled at the fat mouse as he gave her an apologetic grin and pinched out a fire that had started on his sideburn. Big Mama picked up the plates - which all had a metal dome over the top - off a nearby bench, and storming out the kitchen. "Well, I never!" she exclaimed in disgust. Lumpy set his glass back on the table as Big Mama placed their dinners in front of him, Petunia, and Toothy. "You know, Toothy," he said. "perhaps our young guest might enjoy seeing some of the sights of the kingdom. Something in the way of a tour?" Toothy simply sat there, staring at Petunia with a lovestruck expression on his face. Realizing that Lumpy had said something to them, they snapped out of their daze. Toothy let out a small chuckle and looked at Lumpy. "I'm sorry, Lumpy." he said, "What was that?" Lumpy leaned over to the male purple beaver and whispered, "You can't spend all your time moping about, you need to get out. Do something, have a life. Get your mind off-" As Lumpy complained, he opened his dish, and Piglet was huddled inside. Petunia noticed Piglet and became worried. Piglet quietly shushed the worried female blue skunk, who opened her dish and urged for Piglet to quickly hide in hers. "Easy, Lumpy, easy." said Toothy, "It's not a bad idea. If she's interested." As the two chatted, Piglet quickly and quietly dashed across the table and hid in Petunia's dish. With Piglet safe, Petunia quickly turned to Toothy. "Well, what do you say?" asked Toothy. "Would you like to join me on a tour of my kingdom tomorrow?" Petunia nodded, genuinely excited by the prospect and also internally relieved. "Wonderful!" beamed Lumpy. "Now let's eat, before this pig wanders off my plate." He looked down, only to be confused that Piglet had just run off his plate. Dinner got carried on into the evening long after the sun had set and afterwards, Petunia, Toothy, and Lumpy went their separate ways. Petunia was now dressed in her nightclothes as she watched Toothy play with Patch from the balcony. Petunia was now wearing a baby blue long-sleeved pajama jacket with buttons, matching long pajama pants, and a matching bow on her head in place of her pink flower. "Come here boy!" Toothy laughed to Patch, "Arrr!!!" He knelt on the ground and Patch ran up to him and called, "Here I come, Toothy!" Toothy growled playfully at the Dalmatian as he pinned him down. He looked up and smiled when he saw that the female blue skunk he'd found on the beach that day, watching. Toothy waved at Petunia, and she waved back, before slipping further back into her room. Toothy's eyes sparkled as his smile widened. He was actually really looking forward to taking her around his kingdom tomorrow, and could only hope that she felt the same way. Petunia smiled as she brushed her tail with her fork. Piglet (who was now wearing light yellow footy pajamas) complained about his experience in the kitchen as he cleaned off the cooking spices. "This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most humiliating day of my life." he complained. Petunia patted Piglet on the head. "I hope you appreciate what I go through for you, young lady!" scolded the pig, as he waved his lettuce leaf at Petunia while she walked over to her bed. Petunia's bed was a large canopy bed with sky-blue mattresses & matching bedsheets & pillows, large indigo curtains (with golden draw-tassels) on all four sides (attached to the blue canopy), blue blankets, baby-blue linens, a warm, fuzzy, indigo blanket, & sky-blue mahogany bedposts (with a headboard of the same color & material). Anyway, Piglet told Petunia, "Now, we've got to make a plan to get that beaver to kiss you." She opened the curtains and bounced a little before settling back into the large pillow on the left side of the canopy bed and crawled under the covers. "Tomorrow, when he takes you for that ride, you gotta look your best." said Piglet. Petunia lay in her bed. It was very comfy and warm. It was a nice place for her to sleep for the night. "You're gonna bat your eyes - like this," Piglet went on, as he batted his eyes and puckered his lips. "You gotta pucker up your lips - like this." But by now, he realized that Petunia was already fast asleep. Piglet shook his head and smiled. "Hm." He blew out the candle on the bed side table. He hopped onto one of Petunia's pillows, closed the curtains, and before falling asleep himself, he said, "You are hopeless, child. You know that?" He yawned and closed his eyes as Petunia covered him up with her indigo blanket. "Completely hopeless!" And with that, Petunia and Piglet both fell asleep for the night. Category:Fan Fiction Category:The Little Mermaid Parodies Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmakes Category:The Little Mermaid Fanfiction Category:The Little Mermaid Spoofs Category:The Little Mermaid Fanmake Category:Songs Category:Spin-offs